Isaiah : My son's Story

Where do I begin? I’m wrought with emotion and I suppose the only way to begin is to tell my story as the mother of an African American boy in the wake of the Trayvon Martin case.

In late October 2003,I was in a minor car accident rushing to see my Paw-paw (my grandfather James Renfro Wallace) in the hospital. I was just entering the 20^th week or so of pregnancy and law enforcement at the scene insisted that I be taken to the hospital. I insisted I be taken to the hospital where my family was gathered to pray for and with my grandfather. That day our family prayed with the man I grew to learn so much about my history from as he clung to life in the intensive care unit; we also prayed for the little life inside my womb as I was taken to the maternity unit of the same hospital.

The baby I referred to as “Angel” was a boy and the family rejoiced and cried because we knew as one man in our family was on the verge of going home, a new man would join us. And that day the enormity of what bringing forth new life hit me with a new sense of purpose. I was caring a man-child who God had already told me to name Isaiah, Hebrew for “God is My Salvation”.

That day changed my life as much, if not more, than the day I learned I was pregnant. Because that day I knew God had given me a unique responsibility—to raise a child in a world in which some will loathe his very existence once he started to become a young man. You see, I had never forgotten the tales my Paw-paw told of his youth and the hatred he faced.

I immediately took (and still take) my call seriously. And I truly needed to; if you believe in the full gospel and know we exist in more than the physical realm, you’ll understand what I mean when I say the enemy began to attack. Shortly after I was baptized as Isaiah grew just below my heart, I was faced with my son’s mortality (side note: from infancy to adulthood, Black men have the highest mortality rates in the U.S.) . I went into pre-term labor at 28-weeks after giving a presentation in my first doctoral class about the racial identity development and resilience of African American men.

I was told that cold December night that I would immediately be air-lifted from the rural hospital in my college town (Dekalb, IL )  to a nearby city (Rockford, IL) in order to increase my son’s chances of survival. I was told if he was born that night at just 28weeks of gestation he would face possible brain injury during the birthing process, blindness, and the inability to breathe or eat on his own. At best he would have mild brain damage and slight delays and worst he would die.

I endured a number of steroid injections to help Isaiah’s little lungs develop at a more rapid pace. I endured a slow drip of magnesium sulfate that sent a fiery sensation through my veins that was slightly relieved by the ice pack that had to remain on the site of the IV. Isaiah’s entire family prayed for the active labor to stop and for Isaiah to remain in my womb until he could survive on his own. Those eight weeks of hospitalization and constant doctors’ visits allowed me to reflect and dream of the life I’d love my son to have.

Isaiah was born the same month as his great-grandfather, my paw-paw, who ultimately succumbed in March the month Isaiah was actually due.

At 36 weeks, I began active labor again and was admitted to the hospital on February 12, 2004. During those 12 hours of labor, Isaiah’s heart beat was faint and almost undetectable but we continued to pray.  At 12:16am on Friday February 13, 2004, Isaiah Bruce Shelton entered this world with a forceful cry and the most intense dark brown eyes I’ve ever seen.  That day I vowed to that little soul with the eyes of a million generations before him that I would always protect him.

I never thought, however, that the same danger Paw-paw faced in the 1930s and ‘40s as a young man would be the same danger Isaiah and the millions of other young African American boys face – the possibility of having your life taken for no other reason than being a Black man.

I will work to protect Isaiah and ALL of our sons. Isaiah’s very existence has given my life purpose!!!!! He is my baby, my gift from God, my lite, my joy, my lil trooper, my vessel to future the generations of my family…

Last night, I watched the miracle that God blessed me with sleep. I feel his heart beating strong and hear his slow and steady breath. And pray no lunatic ever harms him and I pray society accepts this beautiful child when he is taller, his voice is deeper, and he is more independent in this world. I pray for a world that sees his HUMANITY!

I hope each parent shares the story of their son. Show the world he is HUMAN not some endangered “species” but HUMAN.

Please share your son’s story below. 

Red Tails is Only Part of the Story: Talking to Your Child About Our History

Red Tails is making a huge box office impact telling the heroic tale of the esteemed Tuskeegee Airmen who simultaneously fought for the U.S. abroad while fighting the U.S. for equality and equity. As such, I’d like to share my thoughts about teaching your child about their history. I am writing this entry from both personal and professional experience.

Research shows that racial socialization has a positive effect on a person’s racial identity. So what are race socialization and racial identity? Racial socialization is the practice of marginalized parents teaching their children about their unique cultural and historical experiences in the hopes of helping the child develop a positive sense of self, despite some other agents of socialization transmitting negative messages to them. Racial identity is how one connects with and views himself from a racial perspective. Racial socialization is a key component of child-rearing for African Americans and the development of a positive racial identity is the goal of this process. So, with that said, here are some tips and activities that can be used to effectively discuss race with your child(ren):

1.       Know your Roots: Start with your family history. Remember that big ol’ Bible grandma (or other family elder) has tucked away? Or that scrapbook one of your Aunts or Uncles has? Well, it’s time to take those items out and share with your child(ren) your unique family history. Emphasis your ancestors' triumphs and accomplishments; place them in historical context for your child(ren) and try to hear first hand accounts of some of the dynamic tales of the elders. For example, my Grandmother Emma migrated from Somesville, TN to Chicago around 1940 at the age of 16; this was at the height of the Great Migration. Some of the best moments of my early childhood were spent hearing stories of her childhood in the south.

2.       Whos’ in the Village? You’ve heard the adage “it takes a village to raise a child”, I challenge to learn more about that village. Whether individuals are playing an active role in your child’s life or not, they may still serve as sources of inspiration or role models in your child’s life. You may look to your local genealogical society, research current elected officials, community leaders, or clergy members. What are their stories? How might they show your child that s/he can also  achieve his/her goals?

3.       Remember, it ain’t all roses. Be honest about the good and the bad. Don’t start with the subjugation many cultures in the U.S. have faced (or continue) to face. Acknowledge there is prejudice, discrimination and racism but that’s NOT the beginning. For example, West African Cultures had long, rich histories complete with governmental structures and viable economies. They also had vast knowledge of agriculture, holistic medicine, and traditional religions (just to name a few things). Beginning a discussion about African American history with Jamestown and ignoring the facts above may actually have more of a negative impact. This is sad because this is often where schools start the discussion about African American history.

4.       Go Back to the Motherland. Travel around the world, virtually. Visit websites with current information about the richness of the countries that share your family’s cultural, ethnic, and racial background. The following link shows the routes of the Transatlantic slave trade http://www.slaveryinamerica.org/geography/slave_trade.htm. Research some of the cultures of Africa’s west coast and the impact those who survived the MAAFA had on the countries their descendants now live.

5.       Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see. Use movies and television sparingly in your discussion. Also, if and when you do, make sure your use books, articles, and family histories to make these entertaining and sometimes fictionalized accounts as real and as relevant as possible. The local library is your best resource for non-fictional material for all ages as well as special programs that may bring history to life.  Remember, as my colleague Brandi Brown notes “movies are made to entertain” as such, they should not be your primary source for educating your child about his/her unique history. There are great documentaries (check your local library) and PBS specials that you can use to capture the imagination if live action is what you seek.

I hope you find these tips and the links helpful. Please leave your questions or comments below.